Day 4

Mental Clarity. I have never had so much mental clarity. Usually I have what I like to refer to as: BRAIN FOG.

It feels like exactly what it sounds. A foggy brain.

Try being a 15 year old explaining brain fog to a old man wearing a bow tie and spectacles. Not glasses. These were spectacles. And a bow tie. With your mother in the room. And yes, he wore tweed.

I used to sleep 12 hours a night, then take a 3 hour nap after school. No joke. In college, you'd turn the corner and find me curled up on the floor or on a bench catching a snooze before and after class.

I was prescribed prozac very young which made me even more of a zombie. I remember spending thanksgiving with my family and over a period of three days pretty much waking up just to eat turkey. I literally slept for 3 days.

Later in life (a couple of years ago) turns out I don't have just depression I have adult ADHD. "Whatever," I thought, "I do not". I thought of ADD as the hyper-active kid who couldn't sit still for two seconds. That was not me.

A couple of prescriptions later and well, yeah, I really did feel amazing. The ADHD pills really worked. But, I hated the side-effects. I became a chatterbox hyped up on speed who couldn't sleep EVER (insomnia was an absolute phenomenon to me) and felt like my heart was beating WAY too hard for a 25 year old. I'd commonly think, "I'm gonna have a heart attack at 30 if I keep this up."

At my mid 20's I was feeling pretty good-- if I got too stressed or not enough sleep I would struggle.

Now in my late 20's, it's been a bit of an uphill climb. Divorce set me back a bit. BUT, I have been really focusing on controlling and focusing the thoughts of my brain. Daily. Day after day.

Day after day after day after . . . . day.

It's exhausting. It takes extreme mental focus and some days it's just too hard. But, these last couple of days of cleansing my body have boosted me. My brain can think. It sounds so simple and to those who don't understand will never understand. But, my brain, my soul, my subconscious whatever it is, is CONSTANTLY WAGING A WAR AGAINST ITSELF.

And today was a relief from that.

New Zit today. They are healing quickly though.